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HOW GOD FORGIVES
Is God a forgiving God? Yes, absolutely. Does He always forgive? No.
Exodus 34:6–7 Then the Lord passed by in front of him and proclaimed, “The Lord, the Lord God, compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, and abounding in lovingkindness and truth; who keeps lovingkindness for thousands, who forgives iniquity, transgression and sin; yet He will by no means leave the guilty unpunished, visiting the iniquity of fathers on the children and on the grandchildren to the third and fourth generations.”
Does He forgive unconditionally? No.
Mark 1:4 John the Baptist appeared in the wilderness preaching a baptism of repentance for the forgiveness of sins.
Luke 5:20 Seeing their faith, He said, “Friend, your sins are forgiven you.”
Luke 24:46–48 and He said to them, “Thus it is written, that the Christ would suffer and rise again from the dead the third day, and that repentance for forgiveness of sins would be proclaimed in His name to all the nations, beginning from Jerusalem. “You are witnesses of these things.
Acts 2:38 Peter said to them, “Repent, and each of you be baptized in the name of Jesus Christ for the forgiveness of your sins; and you will receive the gift of the Holy Spirit.
Hebrews 10:18, 26-27 Now where there is forgiveness of these things, there is no longer any offering for sin… For if we go on sinning willfully after receiving the knowledge of the truth, there no longer remains a sacrifice for sins, but a terrifying expectation of judgment and the fury of a fire which will consume the adversaries.
1 John 1:9 If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.
It is very clear that though God is a forgiving God, not all are forgiven since not all will enter the Kingdom of God. In fact, fewer will enter than those who won’t (Matthew 7:13-14). God does not forgive across the board unconditionally.
However, God is a forgiving God because:
1) He does not want anyone to perish (2 Peter 3:9).
2) He loves us enough to do something so that forgiveness and reconciliation are made possible (John 3:16; Isaiah 65:2).
3) He is kind to the ungrateful and shows love even to His enemies (Matthew 5:45; Romans 5:8, 10).
4) He is willing to overlook sins committed in ignorance (Luke 23:34; 1 Timothy 1:13).
5) To give us plenty of opportunity to repent, He is patient with us (2 Peter 3:9; Romans 2:1-5).
6) His attitude is that of readiness to forgive when it becomes possible to do so as the Parable of the Prodigal Son teaches us (Luke 15:11-24).
Since these are His desire, disposition and actions toward those who are by nature children of His wrath (Ephesians 2:3; Romans 1:18), He has made everything possible for forgiveness and reconciliation:
1) He has taken the initiative, sending His Son into the world.
2) The blood of Jesus provides at His expense a way to provide forgiveness and reconciliation.
3) The Holy Spirit provides us the means to learn and change.
4) By His will and actions, the gospel is being proclaimed to all.
But still, we need to repent and believe to be forgiven and reconciled. Is God bitter because He cannot forgive us while we don’t repent? No. He desires enough our salvation to exercise love, grace and patience even though He does not count us guiltless and our sins justly deserve His wrath.
WHAT IS FORGIVENESS?
Forgiveness is NOT letting go of the desire for vengeance, justice or bitter dispositions toward a person who has offended us. Forgiveness is the cancellation of the offender’s debt.
Example: you run into my car and cause $500 damage. Justice would be that you pay the $500. Vengeance would be that I cause you $500 damage or more. I may look at you and think that you did not do it on purpose or do not have $500. I decide to cancel the debt. Once I have made this decision, the debt is gone. I cannot come back two years later and remind you that you owed me $500 and did not pay.
Now suppose we had a good and normal relationship before the incident. When the incident happened, I was angry toward you. I felt you were careless and you owed me. But now that I have cancelled the debt, I should no longer be angry nor feel you owe me. In other words, our relationship should return to what it was before the accident.
Of course, if the accident showed me that you are prone to dangerous driving, I may let go of both anger and feeling of indebtedness while noting that I ought to be careful in the future about your driving. This is not lack of forgiveness nor resentment. We live in harmony and love with one another even as we learn about each other’s weaknesses.
When God forgives, “their sins and their lawless deeds I will remember no more” (Hebrew 10:17). See also Zechariah 10:6; Isaiah 45:17; 54:4. Sins are “wiped away” (Acts 3:19), wiped out (Isaiah 43:25; 44:22) or blotted out (Psalm 51:1, 9). The reproach of sin is removed (Isaiah 25:8). Another passage speaks of God’s forgiveness as casting the sins down into the depths of the sea (Micah 7:19). The debt is cancelled, the certificate destroyed (Colossians 2:14). Indeed, in the Parable of the Unforgiving Servant, the debt of the servant was to incur him imprisonment but having been cancelled, he could go on free with no further consequence (Matthew 18:25-27).
Now of course, God is not amnesiac. In fact, the Parable of the Unforgiving Servant shows that He remembers alright. The point is not what lies in His memory but that He does not deal with us according to what our sins deserve (Psalm 103:10-12; Ezra 9:13). Our forgiven sins are not counted against us (Psalm 32:1-2).
This is also how we are to forgive.
Now, some sins have unavoidable consequences that have not much to do with forgiveness. For instance, God forgave king David for his adultery and murder (2 Samuel 12:13) but damage was done that had to be addressed: a child had been conceived and the king had brought disrepute upon himself, upon the throne and on God. The king had to be disciplined in order to restore honour to both God and the throne. The child could not survive (2 Samuel 12:10-12, 14).
If someone’s spouse had an affair with someone else and if after working through it, the cheated spouse granted forgiveness to the person who had done this with his/her spouse, this does not mean that they could now have an unhindered relationship. What has been done can be forgiven but not recovered (unlike $500). The memory is still there, not to demand punishment or vengeance, but simply that it has happened and that great damage has been done that forgiveness alone cannot reverse. In such (drastic) cases, there may be continued consequences though forgiveness has been granted just like there were consequences for David after God forgave him. The consequences are objective (everybody would agree that the effects of adultery are not completely reversible) not subjective (people feeling they cannot trust again on account of relatively trivial matters).
FORGIVING OTHERS AS GOD FORGAVE US
If God is forgiving though this does not mean that He can forgive everyone unconditionally, can we also be forgiving people though we do not forgive unconditionally? Yes.
Should we forgive unilaterally (regardless of what the person does)? Only as God does: for sins of ignorance, lack of maturity, etc:
Colossians 3:13 bearing with one another, and forgiving each other, whoever has a complaint against anyone; just as the Lord forgave you, so also should you.
Ecclesiastes 7:21–22 Also, do not take seriously all words which are spoken, so that you will not hear your servant cursing you. For you also have realized that you likewise have many times cursed others.
Romans 14:1 Now accept the one who is weak in faith, but not for the purpose of passing judgment on his opinions.
Romans 15:1–3 Now we who are strong ought to bear the weaknesses of those without strength and not just please ourselves. Each of us is to please his neighbor for his good, to his edification. For even Christ did not please Himself; but as it is written, “The reproaches of those who reproached you fell on me.”
Acts 7:59–60 They went on stoning Stephen as he called on the Lord and said, “Lord Jesus, receive my spirit!” Then falling on his knees, he cried out with a loud voice, “Lord, do not hold this sin against them!” Having said this, he fell asleep.
The key consideration is this: am I handling offences the same way God does for the same reasons He does?
God is gracious and patient with sinners, even His enemies, not in such a way as to cover up what they do, but actively calling them to repentance. So should we (Matthew 18:15-20).
God overlooks sins of ignorance or unbelief not because they are not important, but to give us opportunity to learn and grow. So He teaches us. So should we (Matthew 18:15; Galatians 6:1; Hebrews 3:12-4:2; 12:25).
God does not forgive so that He can wash His hands off from us, but to effect reconciliation and pursue our salvation. So should we (James 5:19-20). Forgiveness is not for us (to feel better) but for others (though we benefit too).
God is not unjust in the way He forgives others (Romans 3:25-26). The result of His forgiveness is to achieve what is both right and good. So should ours (John 20:23).
God will not forgive without repentance wilful sins, that is, sins for which one ought to be held accountable because the person knows enough and is responsible enough that the sin expresses a wilful choice to do what is wrong:
Matthew 6:15 “But if you do not forgive others, then your Father will not forgive your transgressions (conscious unforgiveness).
Romans 2:5 But because of your stubbornness and unrepentant heart you are storing up wrath for yourself in the day of wrath and revelation of the righteous judgment of God (see Romans 2:1-2, they condemn in others what they excuse in themselves).
Romans 2:8 but to those who are selfishly ambitious and do not obey the truth, but obey unrighteousness, wrath and indignation (clear disobedience when they know otherwise).
Ephesians 5:3–7 But immorality or any impurity or greed must not even be named among you, as is proper among saints; and there must be no filthiness and silly talk, or coarse jesting, which are not fitting, but rather giving of thanks. For this you know with certainty, that no immoral or impure person or covetous man, who is an idolater, has an inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and God. Let no one deceive you with empty words, for because of these things the wrath of God comes upon the sons of disobedience. Therefore do not be partakers with them (continued practice of undeniable ungodliness).
Matthew 7:21–23 “Not everyone who says to Me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but he who does the will of My Father who is in heaven will enter. “Many will say to Me on that day, ‘Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in Your name, and in Your name cast out demons, and in Your name perform many miracles?’ “And then I will declare to them, ‘I never knew you; Depart from Me, you who practice lawlessness.’ (professing Jesus as Lord yet not obeying Him).
Hebrews 10:26 For if we go on sinning willfully after receiving the knowledge of the truth, there no longer remains a sacrifice for sins…
Likewise, God expects us not to cover up willful sin, but to address it (show, teach, correct, rebuke and depending on the outcome forgive or retain in discipline).
Luke 17:3 “Be on your guard! If your brother sins, rebuke him; and if he repents, forgive him.
Matthew 18:21 Then Peter came and said to Him, “Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me and I forgive him? Up to seven times?” Matthew 18:15–18 “If your brother sins, go and show him his fault in private; if he listens to you, you have won your brother. “But if he does not listen to you, take one or two more with you, so that by the mouth of two or three witnesses every fact may be confirmed. “If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church; and if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector. “Truly I say to you, whatever you bind on earth shall have been bound in heaven; and whatever you loose on earth shall have been loosed in heaven.
How do we treat someone like a tax collector or Gentile? With hatred? With bitterness? With anger? With resentment? No. Like God, with patience (not cover up), with grace (praying for them, doing good to them, greeting them) and with readiness and desire that forgiveness and reconciliation would take place (like the father of the prodigal son watched the road and welcomed him back readily).
Readiness to forgive means that we are reasonable toward offenders not making it too difficult or impossible for them to “satisfy” (2 Corinthians 2:5-8) lest we use the need for repentance as an unjust exercise of power over someone else.
When we practice forgiveness this way, we forgive as God does, overlooking what should be overlooked and courageously, humbly and justly seeking to work through what should not be overlooked.
THE TRUE ANTIDOTE TO RESENTMENT
Suppose that I robbed you $500 and you say you forgive me even though I don’t repent one bit. If really I am forgiven, the debt of what I have done is gone. I don’t owe you anything, either money or an apology. Why should I still apologize if I don’t owe you anymore and you have cancelled my sin? I could simply say thank you and leave it at that. I do not need to change anything because of you. Furthermore, you would be responsible to treat me as if this problem was wiped away. You cannot take distances from me because I have not repented if you say you have forgiven me anyway (and that would be doing the opposite of what the Lord says in Matthew 18:17).
Indeed, this is not really forgiveness. It would be unjust for you to do that because your patience and grace, unlike God’s, does not come with a call to repentance (Romans 2:4; 2 Timothy 2:24-26). Though it may move me and I may be sorry just because of your proclamation of forgiveness, this is not how God deals with my sins (forgiving me without any repentance in hope that in gratitude I would end up feeling remorse).
This approach to “letting go” and dealing with hurt and pain is not what God prescribes. This is what God prescribes about anger, hurt and pain:
Psalm 37:7–9 Rest in the Lord and wait patiently for Him; Do not fret because of him who prospers in his way, Because of the man who carries out wicked schemes. Cease from anger and forsake wrath; Do not fret; it leads only to evildoing. For evildoers will be cut off, But those who wait for the Lord, they will inherit the land.
Psalm 37:23–24 The steps of a man are established by the Lord, And He delights in his way. When he falls, he will not be hurled headlong, Because the Lord is the One who holds his hand.
Psalm 37:27–28 Depart from evil and do good, So you will abide forever. For the Lord loves justice And does not forsake His godly ones; They are preserved forever, But the descendants of the wicked will be cut off.
Psalm 37:37–40 Mark the blameless man, and behold the upright; For the man of peace will have a posterity. But transgressors will be altogether destroyed; The posterity of the wicked will be cut off. But the salvation of the righteous is from the Lord; He is their strength in time of trouble. The Lord helps them and delivers them; He delivers them from the wicked and saves them, Because they take refuge in Him.
1 Peter 2:19–25 For this finds favor, if for the sake of conscience toward God a person bears up under sorrows when suffering unjustly. For what credit is there if, when you sin and are harshly treated, you endure it with patience? But if when you do what is right and suffer for it you patiently endure it, this finds favor with God. For you have been called for this purpose, since Christ also suffered for you, leaving you an example for you to follow in His steps, who committed no sin, nor was any deceit found in His mouth; and while being reviled, He did not revile in return; while suffering, He uttered no threats, but kept entrusting Himself to Him who judges righteously; and He Himself bore our sins in His body on the cross, so that we might die to sin and live to righteousness; for by His wounds you were healed. For you were continually straying like sheep, but now you have returned to the Shepherd and Guardian of your souls.
Matthew 5:38–48 “You have heard that it was said, ‘An eye for an eye, and a tooth for a tooth.’ “But I say to you, do not resist an evil person; but whoever slaps you on your right cheek, turn the other to him also. “If anyone wants to sue you and take your shirt, let him have your coat also. “Whoever forces you to go one mile, go with him two. “Give to him who asks of you, and do not turn away from him who wants to borrow from you. “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ “But I say to you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, so that you may be sons of your Father who is in heaven; for He causes His sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. “For if you love those who love you, what reward do you have? Do not even the tax collectors do the same? “If you greet only your brothers, what more are you doing than others? Do not even the Gentiles do the same? “Therefore you are to be perfect, as your heavenly Father is perfect.
2 Thessalonians 3:14–15 If anyone does not obey our instruction in this letter, take special note of that person and do not associate with him, so that he will be put to shame. Yet do not regard him as an enemy, but admonish him as a brother.
Romans 12:17–21 Never pay back evil for evil to anyone. Respect what is right in the sight of all men. If possible, so far as it depends on you, be at peace with all men. Never take your own revenge, beloved, but leave room for the wrath of God, for it is written, “Vengeance is Mine, I will repay,” says the Lord. “But if your enemy is hungry, feed him, and if he is thirsty, give him a drink; For in so doing you will heap burning coals on his head.” Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.
How many of these passages that address specifically how to respond to ongoing, unrepentant injustice tell us “just forgive”? None.
How we handle hurt, pain or anger is ultimately not dependent on the other person and on whether we can bring closure to what happened one way or another. To seek to bring closure in the face of lack of repentance by granting unilateral forgiveness and proclaiming that henceforth the ball is in the other person’s court is not what God does or wants us to do. The only closure that will be brought to lack of repentance is the final judgment (Romans 2:16; 1 Corinthians 4:5; Revelation 6:10; 19:2).
We may have to live for a long time with the opposite of the peace of Romans 12:18 that we long for when unfortunately it does not depend on us (Psalm 120:7). The person who is to be regarded as a tax-collector may never change. As God does, as Christ does, so must we: wait, pray, desire, be ready and take initiatives whenever possible (Philippians 4:2-3).
Some sins are so serious, the wound so deep (unfaithfulness, sexual abuse, etc) that in addition the Lord’s help with regard to anger and being consumed by the ongoing injustice of the lack of repentance, the wounded needs an ongoing special work of healing from God too. It seems to me that as with anger, we get worse when we spin the offence continually in our hearts, rubbing salt in the wound rather than seeking to replace such thoughts and emotions by the healing and cleansing fellowship of the Lord (Philippians 4:4-9).
Remember, God is a forgiving God because:
1) He does not want anyone to perish (2 Peter 3:9).
2) He loves us enough to do something so that forgiveness and reconciliation are made possible (John 3:16).
3) He is kind to the ungrateful and showed love even to His enemies (Matthew 5:45; Romans 5:8, 10).
4) He is willing to overlook sins committed in ignorance (Luke 23:34; 1 Timothy 1:13).
5) To give us plenty of opportunity to repent, He is patient with us (2 Peter 3:9; Romans 2:1-5).
6) His attitude is that of readiness to forgive when it becomes possible to do so as the Parable of the Prodigal Son teaches us (Luke 15:11-24).
Do the same and you will be a forgiving person too even if like God, you cannot always justly grant the forgiveness you’re so ready to give. But that’s okay, because if indeed these are the values of your heart, you would not retain sins to be difficult but on the contrary, to show real love to your enemies if it that means that in the meantime, you must continue to bear the cross of that unresolved relationship.
Is God a forgiving God? Yes, absolutely. Does He always forgive? No.
Exodus 34:6–7 Then the Lord passed by in front of him and proclaimed, “The Lord, the Lord God, compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, and abounding in lovingkindness and truth; who keeps lovingkindness for thousands, who forgives iniquity, transgression and sin; yet He will by no means leave the guilty unpunished, visiting the iniquity of fathers on the children and on the grandchildren to the third and fourth generations.”
Does He forgive unconditionally? No.
Mark 1:4 John the Baptist appeared in the wilderness preaching a baptism of repentance for the forgiveness of sins.
Luke 5:20 Seeing their faith, He said, “Friend, your sins are forgiven you.”
Luke 24:46–48 and He said to them, “Thus it is written, that the Christ would suffer and rise again from the dead the third day, and that repentance for forgiveness of sins would be proclaimed in His name to all the nations, beginning from Jerusalem. “You are witnesses of these things.
Acts 2:38 Peter said to them, “Repent, and each of you be baptized in the name of Jesus Christ for the forgiveness of your sins; and you will receive the gift of the Holy Spirit.
Hebrews 10:18, 26-27 Now where there is forgiveness of these things, there is no longer any offering for sin… For if we go on sinning willfully after receiving the knowledge of the truth, there no longer remains a sacrifice for sins, but a terrifying expectation of judgment and the fury of a fire which will consume the adversaries.
1 John 1:9 If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.
It is very clear that though God is a forgiving God, not all are forgiven since not all will enter the Kingdom of God. In fact, fewer will enter than those who won’t (Matthew 7:13-14). God does not forgive across the board unconditionally.
However, God is a forgiving God because:
1) He does not want anyone to perish (2 Peter 3:9).
2) He loves us enough to do something so that forgiveness and reconciliation are made possible (John 3:16; Isaiah 65:2).
3) He is kind to the ungrateful and shows love even to His enemies (Matthew 5:45; Romans 5:8, 10).
4) He is willing to overlook sins committed in ignorance (Luke 23:34; 1 Timothy 1:13).
5) To give us plenty of opportunity to repent, He is patient with us (2 Peter 3:9; Romans 2:1-5).
6) His attitude is that of readiness to forgive when it becomes possible to do so as the Parable of the Prodigal Son teaches us (Luke 15:11-24).
Since these are His desire, disposition and actions toward those who are by nature children of His wrath (Ephesians 2:3; Romans 1:18), He has made everything possible for forgiveness and reconciliation:
1) He has taken the initiative, sending His Son into the world.
2) The blood of Jesus provides at His expense a way to provide forgiveness and reconciliation.
3) The Holy Spirit provides us the means to learn and change.
4) By His will and actions, the gospel is being proclaimed to all.
But still, we need to repent and believe to be forgiven and reconciled. Is God bitter because He cannot forgive us while we don’t repent? No. He desires enough our salvation to exercise love, grace and patience even though He does not count us guiltless and our sins justly deserve His wrath.
WHAT IS FORGIVENESS?
Forgiveness is NOT letting go of the desire for vengeance, justice or bitter dispositions toward a person who has offended us. Forgiveness is the cancellation of the offender’s debt.
Example: you run into my car and cause $500 damage. Justice would be that you pay the $500. Vengeance would be that I cause you $500 damage or more. I may look at you and think that you did not do it on purpose or do not have $500. I decide to cancel the debt. Once I have made this decision, the debt is gone. I cannot come back two years later and remind you that you owed me $500 and did not pay.
Now suppose we had a good and normal relationship before the incident. When the incident happened, I was angry toward you. I felt you were careless and you owed me. But now that I have cancelled the debt, I should no longer be angry nor feel you owe me. In other words, our relationship should return to what it was before the accident.
Of course, if the accident showed me that you are prone to dangerous driving, I may let go of both anger and feeling of indebtedness while noting that I ought to be careful in the future about your driving. This is not lack of forgiveness nor resentment. We live in harmony and love with one another even as we learn about each other’s weaknesses.
When God forgives, “their sins and their lawless deeds I will remember no more” (Hebrew 10:17). See also Zechariah 10:6; Isaiah 45:17; 54:4. Sins are “wiped away” (Acts 3:19), wiped out (Isaiah 43:25; 44:22) or blotted out (Psalm 51:1, 9). The reproach of sin is removed (Isaiah 25:8). Another passage speaks of God’s forgiveness as casting the sins down into the depths of the sea (Micah 7:19). The debt is cancelled, the certificate destroyed (Colossians 2:14). Indeed, in the Parable of the Unforgiving Servant, the debt of the servant was to incur him imprisonment but having been cancelled, he could go on free with no further consequence (Matthew 18:25-27).
Now of course, God is not amnesiac. In fact, the Parable of the Unforgiving Servant shows that He remembers alright. The point is not what lies in His memory but that He does not deal with us according to what our sins deserve (Psalm 103:10-12; Ezra 9:13). Our forgiven sins are not counted against us (Psalm 32:1-2).
This is also how we are to forgive.
Now, some sins have unavoidable consequences that have not much to do with forgiveness. For instance, God forgave king David for his adultery and murder (2 Samuel 12:13) but damage was done that had to be addressed: a child had been conceived and the king had brought disrepute upon himself, upon the throne and on God. The king had to be disciplined in order to restore honour to both God and the throne. The child could not survive (2 Samuel 12:10-12, 14).
If someone’s spouse had an affair with someone else and if after working through it, the cheated spouse granted forgiveness to the person who had done this with his/her spouse, this does not mean that they could now have an unhindered relationship. What has been done can be forgiven but not recovered (unlike $500). The memory is still there, not to demand punishment or vengeance, but simply that it has happened and that great damage has been done that forgiveness alone cannot reverse. In such (drastic) cases, there may be continued consequences though forgiveness has been granted just like there were consequences for David after God forgave him. The consequences are objective (everybody would agree that the effects of adultery are not completely reversible) not subjective (people feeling they cannot trust again on account of relatively trivial matters).
FORGIVING OTHERS AS GOD FORGAVE US
If God is forgiving though this does not mean that He can forgive everyone unconditionally, can we also be forgiving people though we do not forgive unconditionally? Yes.
Should we forgive unilaterally (regardless of what the person does)? Only as God does: for sins of ignorance, lack of maturity, etc:
Colossians 3:13 bearing with one another, and forgiving each other, whoever has a complaint against anyone; just as the Lord forgave you, so also should you.
Ecclesiastes 7:21–22 Also, do not take seriously all words which are spoken, so that you will not hear your servant cursing you. For you also have realized that you likewise have many times cursed others.
Romans 14:1 Now accept the one who is weak in faith, but not for the purpose of passing judgment on his opinions.
Romans 15:1–3 Now we who are strong ought to bear the weaknesses of those without strength and not just please ourselves. Each of us is to please his neighbor for his good, to his edification. For even Christ did not please Himself; but as it is written, “The reproaches of those who reproached you fell on me.”
Acts 7:59–60 They went on stoning Stephen as he called on the Lord and said, “Lord Jesus, receive my spirit!” Then falling on his knees, he cried out with a loud voice, “Lord, do not hold this sin against them!” Having said this, he fell asleep.
The key consideration is this: am I handling offences the same way God does for the same reasons He does?
God is gracious and patient with sinners, even His enemies, not in such a way as to cover up what they do, but actively calling them to repentance. So should we (Matthew 18:15-20).
God overlooks sins of ignorance or unbelief not because they are not important, but to give us opportunity to learn and grow. So He teaches us. So should we (Matthew 18:15; Galatians 6:1; Hebrews 3:12-4:2; 12:25).
God does not forgive so that He can wash His hands off from us, but to effect reconciliation and pursue our salvation. So should we (James 5:19-20). Forgiveness is not for us (to feel better) but for others (though we benefit too).
God is not unjust in the way He forgives others (Romans 3:25-26). The result of His forgiveness is to achieve what is both right and good. So should ours (John 20:23).
God will not forgive without repentance wilful sins, that is, sins for which one ought to be held accountable because the person knows enough and is responsible enough that the sin expresses a wilful choice to do what is wrong:
Matthew 6:15 “But if you do not forgive others, then your Father will not forgive your transgressions (conscious unforgiveness).
Romans 2:5 But because of your stubbornness and unrepentant heart you are storing up wrath for yourself in the day of wrath and revelation of the righteous judgment of God (see Romans 2:1-2, they condemn in others what they excuse in themselves).
Romans 2:8 but to those who are selfishly ambitious and do not obey the truth, but obey unrighteousness, wrath and indignation (clear disobedience when they know otherwise).
Ephesians 5:3–7 But immorality or any impurity or greed must not even be named among you, as is proper among saints; and there must be no filthiness and silly talk, or coarse jesting, which are not fitting, but rather giving of thanks. For this you know with certainty, that no immoral or impure person or covetous man, who is an idolater, has an inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and God. Let no one deceive you with empty words, for because of these things the wrath of God comes upon the sons of disobedience. Therefore do not be partakers with them (continued practice of undeniable ungodliness).
Matthew 7:21–23 “Not everyone who says to Me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but he who does the will of My Father who is in heaven will enter. “Many will say to Me on that day, ‘Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in Your name, and in Your name cast out demons, and in Your name perform many miracles?’ “And then I will declare to them, ‘I never knew you; Depart from Me, you who practice lawlessness.’ (professing Jesus as Lord yet not obeying Him).
Hebrews 10:26 For if we go on sinning willfully after receiving the knowledge of the truth, there no longer remains a sacrifice for sins…
Likewise, God expects us not to cover up willful sin, but to address it (show, teach, correct, rebuke and depending on the outcome forgive or retain in discipline).
Luke 17:3 “Be on your guard! If your brother sins, rebuke him; and if he repents, forgive him.
Matthew 18:21 Then Peter came and said to Him, “Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me and I forgive him? Up to seven times?” Matthew 18:15–18 “If your brother sins, go and show him his fault in private; if he listens to you, you have won your brother. “But if he does not listen to you, take one or two more with you, so that by the mouth of two or three witnesses every fact may be confirmed. “If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church; and if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector. “Truly I say to you, whatever you bind on earth shall have been bound in heaven; and whatever you loose on earth shall have been loosed in heaven.
How do we treat someone like a tax collector or Gentile? With hatred? With bitterness? With anger? With resentment? No. Like God, with patience (not cover up), with grace (praying for them, doing good to them, greeting them) and with readiness and desire that forgiveness and reconciliation would take place (like the father of the prodigal son watched the road and welcomed him back readily).
Readiness to forgive means that we are reasonable toward offenders not making it too difficult or impossible for them to “satisfy” (2 Corinthians 2:5-8) lest we use the need for repentance as an unjust exercise of power over someone else.
When we practice forgiveness this way, we forgive as God does, overlooking what should be overlooked and courageously, humbly and justly seeking to work through what should not be overlooked.
THE TRUE ANTIDOTE TO RESENTMENT
Suppose that I robbed you $500 and you say you forgive me even though I don’t repent one bit. If really I am forgiven, the debt of what I have done is gone. I don’t owe you anything, either money or an apology. Why should I still apologize if I don’t owe you anymore and you have cancelled my sin? I could simply say thank you and leave it at that. I do not need to change anything because of you. Furthermore, you would be responsible to treat me as if this problem was wiped away. You cannot take distances from me because I have not repented if you say you have forgiven me anyway (and that would be doing the opposite of what the Lord says in Matthew 18:17).
Indeed, this is not really forgiveness. It would be unjust for you to do that because your patience and grace, unlike God’s, does not come with a call to repentance (Romans 2:4; 2 Timothy 2:24-26). Though it may move me and I may be sorry just because of your proclamation of forgiveness, this is not how God deals with my sins (forgiving me without any repentance in hope that in gratitude I would end up feeling remorse).
This approach to “letting go” and dealing with hurt and pain is not what God prescribes. This is what God prescribes about anger, hurt and pain:
Psalm 37:7–9 Rest in the Lord and wait patiently for Him; Do not fret because of him who prospers in his way, Because of the man who carries out wicked schemes. Cease from anger and forsake wrath; Do not fret; it leads only to evildoing. For evildoers will be cut off, But those who wait for the Lord, they will inherit the land.
Psalm 37:23–24 The steps of a man are established by the Lord, And He delights in his way. When he falls, he will not be hurled headlong, Because the Lord is the One who holds his hand.
Psalm 37:27–28 Depart from evil and do good, So you will abide forever. For the Lord loves justice And does not forsake His godly ones; They are preserved forever, But the descendants of the wicked will be cut off.
Psalm 37:37–40 Mark the blameless man, and behold the upright; For the man of peace will have a posterity. But transgressors will be altogether destroyed; The posterity of the wicked will be cut off. But the salvation of the righteous is from the Lord; He is their strength in time of trouble. The Lord helps them and delivers them; He delivers them from the wicked and saves them, Because they take refuge in Him.
1 Peter 2:19–25 For this finds favor, if for the sake of conscience toward God a person bears up under sorrows when suffering unjustly. For what credit is there if, when you sin and are harshly treated, you endure it with patience? But if when you do what is right and suffer for it you patiently endure it, this finds favor with God. For you have been called for this purpose, since Christ also suffered for you, leaving you an example for you to follow in His steps, who committed no sin, nor was any deceit found in His mouth; and while being reviled, He did not revile in return; while suffering, He uttered no threats, but kept entrusting Himself to Him who judges righteously; and He Himself bore our sins in His body on the cross, so that we might die to sin and live to righteousness; for by His wounds you were healed. For you were continually straying like sheep, but now you have returned to the Shepherd and Guardian of your souls.
Matthew 5:38–48 “You have heard that it was said, ‘An eye for an eye, and a tooth for a tooth.’ “But I say to you, do not resist an evil person; but whoever slaps you on your right cheek, turn the other to him also. “If anyone wants to sue you and take your shirt, let him have your coat also. “Whoever forces you to go one mile, go with him two. “Give to him who asks of you, and do not turn away from him who wants to borrow from you. “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ “But I say to you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, so that you may be sons of your Father who is in heaven; for He causes His sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. “For if you love those who love you, what reward do you have? Do not even the tax collectors do the same? “If you greet only your brothers, what more are you doing than others? Do not even the Gentiles do the same? “Therefore you are to be perfect, as your heavenly Father is perfect.
2 Thessalonians 3:14–15 If anyone does not obey our instruction in this letter, take special note of that person and do not associate with him, so that he will be put to shame. Yet do not regard him as an enemy, but admonish him as a brother.
Romans 12:17–21 Never pay back evil for evil to anyone. Respect what is right in the sight of all men. If possible, so far as it depends on you, be at peace with all men. Never take your own revenge, beloved, but leave room for the wrath of God, for it is written, “Vengeance is Mine, I will repay,” says the Lord. “But if your enemy is hungry, feed him, and if he is thirsty, give him a drink; For in so doing you will heap burning coals on his head.” Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.
How many of these passages that address specifically how to respond to ongoing, unrepentant injustice tell us “just forgive”? None.
How we handle hurt, pain or anger is ultimately not dependent on the other person and on whether we can bring closure to what happened one way or another. To seek to bring closure in the face of lack of repentance by granting unilateral forgiveness and proclaiming that henceforth the ball is in the other person’s court is not what God does or wants us to do. The only closure that will be brought to lack of repentance is the final judgment (Romans 2:16; 1 Corinthians 4:5; Revelation 6:10; 19:2).
We may have to live for a long time with the opposite of the peace of Romans 12:18 that we long for when unfortunately it does not depend on us (Psalm 120:7). The person who is to be regarded as a tax-collector may never change. As God does, as Christ does, so must we: wait, pray, desire, be ready and take initiatives whenever possible (Philippians 4:2-3).
Some sins are so serious, the wound so deep (unfaithfulness, sexual abuse, etc) that in addition the Lord’s help with regard to anger and being consumed by the ongoing injustice of the lack of repentance, the wounded needs an ongoing special work of healing from God too. It seems to me that as with anger, we get worse when we spin the offence continually in our hearts, rubbing salt in the wound rather than seeking to replace such thoughts and emotions by the healing and cleansing fellowship of the Lord (Philippians 4:4-9).
Remember, God is a forgiving God because:
1) He does not want anyone to perish (2 Peter 3:9).
2) He loves us enough to do something so that forgiveness and reconciliation are made possible (John 3:16).
3) He is kind to the ungrateful and showed love even to His enemies (Matthew 5:45; Romans 5:8, 10).
4) He is willing to overlook sins committed in ignorance (Luke 23:34; 1 Timothy 1:13).
5) To give us plenty of opportunity to repent, He is patient with us (2 Peter 3:9; Romans 2:1-5).
6) His attitude is that of readiness to forgive when it becomes possible to do so as the Parable of the Prodigal Son teaches us (Luke 15:11-24).
Do the same and you will be a forgiving person too even if like God, you cannot always justly grant the forgiveness you’re so ready to give. But that’s okay, because if indeed these are the values of your heart, you would not retain sins to be difficult but on the contrary, to show real love to your enemies if it that means that in the meantime, you must continue to bear the cross of that unresolved relationship.
“Those whom I love, I reprove and discipline”
Revelation 3:19
